Irken Catnip ZADR
by Genuine-Discord
Summary: ZADR! Dib joins Zim in his quest to take over Earth and finds out what Zim's weakness is...his antennae and like for cuddling.


**Irken Catnip**

Zim stared at Dib, scarlet eyes gleaming maliciously. "Get out of my base, Dib-monkey." He hissed.

"Never!" Dib snarled stubbornly.

Zim growled under his breath and withdrew the spider-legs out of his PAK. Standing several feet taller than the human, he narrowed his crimson eyes and clenched his hands into fists at his sides. Dib couldn't help but stepping away from the alien.

"Get out before I rip your arms from your puny human body." He said in a soft, strangely kind voice.

Dib's face paled and he took another step back. "I'll never submit to your demands!" He said bravely.

"Oh, I think you will, once the pain starts." Zim whispered, slowly advancing on the human.

Dib gulped. "I'm going to k-kill you first…" He choked out, backing up against a wall.

"All talk, no action." Zim tutted. "I warned you, human."

The Irken slowly raised one of the metallic legs, leveling it at Dib's throat. With an evil laugh, he drove it forward, the steel tip resting on Dib's skin. Dib jumped, squeezing his eyes shut and waiting for the pain to come.

They were silent, the only sounds in the room Dib's ragged breathing and Zim's soft breath. Dib cracked one eye open to survey the alien. Zim was scrutinizing him, as if unsure if he wanted to go through with his threat.

"Are you going to kill me or not?" He asked, voice cracking in fear.

"Hmm…" The alien slowly retracted his spider-legs into the PAK, dropping back onto the floor.

He reached out and gently, tenderly almost, pulled Dib's chin up so he could look into the other boy's eyes. Dib struggled to pull away, but Zim's unusual affectionate grip was strong. The smooth coolness of his glove was slightly soothing to Dib as he tried to avoid Zim's gaze.

"Not yet." The alien released him and turned his back, slowly walking away.

"Wha-what?" Dib stuttered.

"I won't kill you yet, human. You're far too valuable to me." Zim replied absentmindedly, logging into a computer.

"How am I valuable to you?" The boy asked carefully, stepping away from the wall.

The alien laughed, throwing his head back. Dib caught a glimpse of his tongue as Zim swiveled to face him. "You're the only human possibly almost as superior as me." He answered, finally ending his cackling.

"You think I'm superior?" Dib asked, slightly confused.

"Of course. You're far smarter than any of those other filthy human worm-babies." Zim said, beckoning him closer. "Besides, I like you."

"You do? Why?" Dib followed the Irken as he moved over to the other side of the lab.

"I respect you, Dib-monkey." He said sincerely.

"You do?" Dib repeated.

"Yes. I'll key you in on a little secret too, if you want." The Irken was only a few paces away now.

Dib hesitated. "What secret?" He asked, unable to suppress his curiosity.

"Allow me to share it with you." Zim closed the gap between them, looking deeply into Dib's eyes.

Dib nodded, eyes widening. "Okay."

"They don't deserve you, Dib." Zim whispered.

No Dib-stink. No Dib-monkey. No filthy human. No insults. Only sincerity in the invader's voice.

"Who doesn't deserve me?" Dib asked.

"Humanity. They don't believe you about anything. They call you crazy. But I know the truth. I know you're not crazy." Zim said.

"Really? You think so?" Dib was completely bewildered by Zim's words.

Zim smiled. "I wouldn't lie to you." He murmured, gently caressing the human's cheek.

Dib quivered under the alien's touch. "Th-thanks…" He whispered, leaning into Zim's hand as the alien stroked his cheek.

"I'm going to offer you a deal, Dib." Zim said softly, running his claws through Dib's hair.

"What deal?" He asked, twitching slightly under his hands.

"Come with me." Zim breathed.

"C-come where?" The paranormal investigator asked softly, searching Zim's ruby eyes intently.

"Help me invade Earth." Dib started to object, but Zim gently put a gloved hand over his mouth. "Face it, Dibblet. No one here appreciates you."

Dib slowly lowered his head, his scythe hair bobbing. Zim was right.

"Your sister ignores you and your father can hardly even remember your name. When he does, he only refers to you as his 'poor insane son'. But you deserve better than that." Zim shook his head, one of his antennas twitching in annoyance.

He moved his hand so Dib could speak. "Zim I-I don't know what to say. You're exactly right, but I can't abandon humanity…" He sighed. "I just don't know what to do."

Zim gently cupped the side of Dib's face with his hand. "Think about it, Dibblet. Consider my offer." The alien leaned in and gently touched his forehead to Dib's. "Now get out of my base and go home." He said after he pulled away, a trace of amusement in his voice.

Dib smiled back and walked towards the elevator that led to the surface. "Thank you, Zim. I will." He stepped into the elevator and zoomed to the surface of base.

Gir was asleep on the couch, sucking on a rubber pig with Minimoose at his side. Dib smirked and continued past, making his way out the door and down the street back to his house. He had some serious thinking to do.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%o

"I will." Dib said as Zim opened the door of his base.

The alien grinned, moving aside to let Dib into the strange looking house. "Good. I almost thought you were going to say no."

They made their way into his base and down to his lab. "So what evil scheme are you going to be working on today?" He asked as the elevator whisked them into the seemingly endless tangle of wires and pipes.

"You mean we." Zim corrected as they entered the lab.

Dib couldn't help but smile as they passed the place where Zim had pinned him to the wall the day before. "What evil scheme will _we_ be working on today then?"

Zim smirked. "Well, it'll need your skills as a normal-yet superior-human and mine as a trained Irken invader." He replied, logging into the computer he'd logged into yesterday.

"_No_! I never would've guessed that!" Dib exclaimed sarcastically.

Zim snorted. "Sure, Dibblet."

"Why do you call me that all of a sudden?" Dib asked, settling down next to Zim.

The Irken reached across Dib's shoulders to grab a set of blueprints. Dib jumped slightly at the pressure of Zim's arm on his shoulders.

"Because it fits you. It sounds as cute as you are." Zim winked at him and didn't remove his arm.

"Cute?" A slightly uncomfortable Dib asked as Zim pulled him closer.

"Of course, my little Dibblet." Zim said, smiling charmingly.

Dib smiled back, unsure why he trusted the little green alien so much. "So now I'm _your_ Dibblet?"

"Yes. I am Zim, a mighty Irken Invader, and you are Dib Membrane, a superior human being, my apprentice." Zim murmured into Dib's hair.

Dib smile widened as Zim snuggled into his chest. After a brief moment of hesitation, he wrapped an arm around Zim's waist. The Irken purred softly and snuggled closer.

Dib smirked as Zim nestled into his chest. "So what about the evil scheme?"

"Scheme later." Zim muttered, putting his other arm around Dib.

"So now I'm more important than taking over the world?" Dib asked.

"Mmff…" Zim grunted noncommittally, burying his face in Dib's chest and breathing in the sweet scent he carried.

Dib chuckled softly as the alien looked up at him with innocent ruby eyes. "I'm going to take that as a yes."

Zim blinked and smiled. "Dibblet…"

"Hmm?" He murmured, smiling back down at Zim, who had proceeded to curl up on Dib's lap.

"This is nice…" He snuggled yet even closer, his antennas popping straight up in front of Dib's face.

"You think so?" Dib asked absentmindedly, inspecting the antennas.

"Mmm…" Then Zim's whole body twitched as Dib gently fingered one of his antennas. "Dibblet?"

"How does that feel?" Dib began to stroke the antenna, smirking as Zim's eyelids drooped.

"Ah! Dib!" He squeaked as Dib ran his fingers along the antenna.

Dib began to gently massage the antenna near the base, pressing his nose against Zim's cheek. He was rewarded with a soft moan of pleasure from the alien.

"Hmm…" Dib gently pulled on the end of the antenna, and Zim immediately collapsed onto his lap. "If I knew this could render you so helpless a few days ago, it would've been really helpful." He mused.

"S-stop…please…" Zim moaned weakly. "Get off…" He fell limp, blinking resignedly up at Dib.

Dib smirked, continuing to stroke the antenna. "I don't think I will." He reached up with his other hand and started to stroke both at the same time.

"Ahhhh…Dibblet…" Zim whined helplessly.

The Irken was panting in bliss, clearly liking the attention Dib was giving him. Zim arched his back as Dib wrapped his fingers around both and slid them all the way up his antennas.

He made a soft noise that sounded like a purring cat. "Ahhh…D-Dib…stop…please…"

Dib grinned down at the Irken. His face was flushed and his eyes were half-lidded, his antennas drooping limply over his head. "So…this is like Irken catnip, isn't it?" He asked.

"D-don't EVER do that to Z-Zim again…" Zim mumbled, struggling to right himself.

Dib pulled Zim into a sitting position, smirk widening. "Oh, why not? It looks like it feels pretty good, right?"

Zim growled something about trust and being helpless under his breath before snatching up he set of blueprints and unrolling them on the desk. His fingers danced over the keyboard as he typed in passwords in Irken.

"You're so cute when you're helpless!" Dib exclaimed.

Zim started to say something about not being cute, but Dib grabbed his collar and pulled him closer until their lips met. "Mmff!" Zim made a muffled objection, which was promptly ignored by Dib, who continued to kiss the alien.

Zim finally succumbed and kissed him back, Dib teasingly plucking one of his antennas. Zim twitched and broke away, scowling. "I'm not cute." He said seriously.

"Then I'm not your Dibblet." Dib retorted.

Zim pouted, than solved their dilemma by kissing Dib again. Dib chuckled victoriously into Zim's lips, glad to have chosen Irken over human. He'd found his Irken catnip.


End file.
